White Winter

So, I'm sitting here, with two jumpers on AND a pair of socks, because it so unbelievably cold down here!
This is seriously the coldest december I can remember (hey that rhymes)- all the animals are practically without water because I cannot keep it from freezing over within a few hours.
The ground is covered with snow and it looks great... if only my camera wasn't dead. =(
Anyways, this month- I was baptised!
It felt great to do. I needed to do it, I needed to obey God, so it was good.
I seriously wish I'd gotten a haircut first though, because looking back on the video, my poor excuse of a fringe keeps falling into my eyes and getting in my way,- its not a nice sight.

It's the christmas holidays, and I'm all on my own again. I don't like it, but I haven't collapsed in a twisted heap (yet) like last time. It's just this feeling of loneliness and unimportance, while everybody around me is leading this fantastic life- Janelle's flying to Florida right now, to be with all her amazing American friends who I wish I could be, the girls in church are all gearing up for a great christmas with their families- I'm just trying not to burst in to tears everytime I think about it.

It seems like there is nothing significant about my life right now. I try to turn to other things to forget that this christmas "family" isn't going to be a nice encounter, only to find that nearly every other aspect of my life is going downhill too. Friendships aren't great, the house is a mess, dad isn't great, our christmas tree is artificial (!) We are sorely lacking that lovely "gather around the fire together" fellowship. I am so feeling the absence of a good group of friends who I can talk to freely and enjoy these holidays with. Even though I have the oppurtunities to be part of something like that, I can't do it, I can't seem to talk, or participate- I'm just an add-on trailing behind the group.

And although these are such small matters compared to the wider scale of things, its hard not to listen to these thoughts when you're all alone in the house the day before christmas eve.

I really really wish I was Janelle sometimes!

but then it struck me last night- that all the people I wish I knew, or was close to or was enjoying the company of- all the lovely interesting aspects of their characters- was created by God, who in His character has every facet of loveliness you could imagine- and He is here with me all the time.- He's really the best company.

So that's what motivated me to get out my study bible this morning and spend some time in 1 Peter.
Even though I didn't feel immediately "transformed", I feel better for knowing I've actually done something worth something today.

Dad and I might go late night shopping tonight, - it will probably be the highlight of my week! (sad, I know).

Maybe one day, christmas holidays will be a nice wholesome time again.. for now, I've just got to keep my eyes on Jesus, my only hope.